Once again, the hashtag #NotAllMen was trending on Twitter. Why, you may ask? Because Sarah Everard was trying to walk home at 9 P.M., and now male police officer Wayne Couzens has pleaded guilty to her kidnap and rape, and has accepted responsibility for her murder (whatever that means). Sure, #SarahEverard was also trending on Twitter, and rightfully so, but #NotAllMen was trending higher.
What is it about violence against women that encourages men to shout, “Not me!”?
When a woman kills her children, her parents, her boyfriend, have you ever, ever, seen any woman start with the excuse ‘Not All Women’? What a load of bollocks.
When a man pops up out of the woodwork to say, “Not all men!” what they’re really saying is, “Not me!” In this instance they are making Sarah Everard’s death – and the consequent important conversation pertaining to women’s safety – about them. He has decided that his self-exoneration of being generalized as a bad human being is more important than sympathising and asking the real questions like, “What can I do to make my city a safer place for women?”; “Why can I walk home after a night at the pub carefree, and 51% of the population cannot?”; “Why are women so threatened by men that I have been lumped in the same category with wife-beaters, rapists, and murderers?”
As San Miquel said on Twitter, “Everyone knows it’s not all of us, but it pretty much always is one of us. Now’s not the time to be looking for praise for not abducting someone, f**king weirdos.” Couldn’t have said it better!
I tend to just talk shit on here but seeing the #NotAllMen rear it’s head around the Sarah Everard story is pathetic. Everyone knows it’s not all of us but it pretty much always is one of us. Now’s not the time to be looking for praise for not abducting someone, fucking weirdos.
— San Miquel (@SaintMichael293) March 10, 2021
I followed the disappearance of Sarah Everard closely when it first happened, and my heart sank after the first two days – anybody who watches any amount of crime TV knows that the first 48 hours are crucial in missing persons cases, and that after 48 hours, chances of finding that person alive and well drop to as low as 50%. Then, low and behold, human remains are found, and a police officer – a member of the public that traditionally you are meant to trust and rely on – was arrested on suspicion of murder. A police officer that already had a history of sexually assaulting women.
A study done by UN Women UK found that 97% percent of women between 18 and 24 have been sexually harassed, with 80% of women of all ages having experienced sexual harassment in public places.
Women are upset to say the least, and rightfully so. A viral tweet proclaims, “We change our routes home, we cross the road to avoid being catcalled, we change our clothes, we hold our keys in our fists, we wear trainers so we can run, we have our friends on speed dial, we get taxis to avoid walking late at night. WOMEN ARE NOT THE ONES WHO NEED TO CHANGE.”
A popular pastime of the #NotAllMen crowd is berating women for treating all men as potential attackers. We are deemed sexist that we change train carriages when there’s only one other male passenger in it, but as soon as something happens to us, “Well, if she felt afraid why didn’t she change carriages? Why wasn’t she more careful?” It’s an unwinnable argument, and one that is deeply entrenched in victim blaming.
I’m sick of men claiming their innocence instead of realising that change needs to be made. It’s ridiculous that all girls are taught that if you’re walking home at night and you feel unsafe:
1. You shouldn’t even be in that situation in the first place (Not helpful, and dismissive of our personal freedoms – I am equally at risk whether I take an Uber, a taxi, the tube… Am I not allowed to leave my house after 6PM because of my sex?)
2. Walk with your keys between your knuckles; don’t tie your hair up as it’s easier for an assailant to grip; don’t wear headphones so you can hear your assailant; don’t be on the phone as it takes away your situational awareness, but also you should be on the phone with someone so you have a witness; don’t be inebriated as you’re seen as an easier target; wear sneakers so it’s easier to run away; stick to well-lit, popular streets.
3. Don’t wear anything that shows off your figure, or that could be seen as suggestive (as if women are to blame for other people’s behaviour!)
The onus is on women to reduce the risk of being attacked, not for others not to attack women in the first place.
Yesterday, I went for an evening run and it fell dark before I could make it home. I turned off my music so I could hear what was happening around me, and I put on my darker sweatshirt to cover my shape and make me blend into the surroundings. These potentially life-saving actions are engrained in us. When a man wearing a hood turned onto the road ahead of me, I waited until he was out of sight before I continued on – because if I was attacked, there was no one around to help me. It was dark and deserted. This was in my local community on a small island; the crime rate here is virtually non-existent. But that’s just the thing – you can be attacked anywhere, at any time, by anyone. Even a police officer.
Even though it took a London woman’s kidnap, rape, and ultimately death – it did cause some men to start asking questions. Stuart Edwards started a viral Twitter thread asking what men can do to make women feel safer, and an Australian charity called Plan International launched a campaign called ‘Walk Like A Woman’, where they launched a soundscape of what it’s like to walk alone on the streets at night as a woman. After hearing the unsettling recordings, they finish off with good pointers on how to behave around women – especially in potentially unsafe environments.
As Emma Burnell said on Twitter, “We know it’s ‘not all men’ but we absolutely don’t know which men it is.” Not all men assault women, but all women are afraid of being assaulted by men. And that’s the difference.