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I Watched The New Gossip Girl And It’s Actually Good

I Watched The New Gossip Girl And It’s Actually Good

I feel like it’s an unspoken rule that reboots are just never as good. Charlie’s Angels? Average. Point break? Shocking. Ghostbusters? Illegal.

I didn’t really hold out much hope for the new Gossip Girl. But babe, it’s actually super good! Yes, okay, there’s no Chuck Bass, and you really can’t recreate Serena versus Blair, but what we’ve got instead is actually worth your time.

Whatever you do, you can’t go into it expecting GG to be exactly the same, with the same glamour, and the same drama. You do that, and you’re just setting yourself up for disappointment. Look, old Gossip Girl was amazing, and will live in our hearts forever, but you have to mentally separate the two as GG 2.0 will never compare. But it’s pretty good in its own right, and here’s why.

First of all, the new Gossip Girl script has really grown with the times. Now we’ve got a good mix of POC, everyone’s pretty okay with their sexuality (whether it’s fluid or not), and they even use words like “cistory” instead of “history” to fight the patriarchy. I’m pretty sure one of the mean girl cronies even utters the words “fuck the patriarchy”.  So yeah, it’s grown a little bit. Can you ever imagine Blair saying “fuck the patriarchy”? No. She would just marry a prince and become a ruler. Which she did, actually. Blair Waldorf is indeed your daddy.

There also is no hottie Nate Archibald, which is a bit sad because the new Nate is definitely not as hot. Much nicer though, and loves to stand up for a cause. Nate didn’t even stand up for Blair, he was a little bit of a wet flannel in the standing-up-for-what-you-believe-in department. New Nate is called Obie, and he’s apparently the richest person in New York. He gets his kicks by dating the cool, kind Queen NYC (sorry, the title of Queen Bee is reserved for two people only: Blair Waldorf and Beyoncé), and protesting his parent’s development projects with the masses – without the parents knowing of course, he is definitely a mummy’s boy.

They’ve made the new heart throb (played by Thomas Doherty) have a very Chuck demeanour with his erotic murmuring, but in 2021 fashion, where old Chuck only hinted at playing for the other team once or twice, new Chuck – the character’s name is Max – is wildly polysexual, and polygamous to match. He also has two dads, one of them being non-binary. This is definitely more exciting because not only do we get to see him hook up with hot girls, but also hot guys too! It’s a win-win, really. For most of the six episodes (six more episodes are being released in November), Max is off the chain, living with abandon and the most wildly chaotic Scorpio energy you ever did see, all while pursuing his hot-but-also-kind-of-creepy school teacher, who turns out might be grooming him. Still wildly problematic for 2021, so clearly GG 2.0 hasn’t grown that much (never mind the “cistory” comment).

The one thing that the new GG got wrong is that it’s just not as mean. Everyone is trying to play nice, and kindness is king. One of the big mean “burn” moments was when one of them got kicked out of a fashion show. Blair Waldorf would be laughing with mirth. That’s child’s play.

The thing is, we actually really enjoyed watching rich people trying to screw each other over. Maybe we are sick of watching the rich screw the poor in real life, and just wanted to watch the rich get a taste of their own medicine. Yes, being mean is horrible, but it’s actually really fun to watch. I mean, why do we even have the whole Drama genre? Because we like to watch others suffer. Especially rich people who deserve it with 10/10 wardrobes.

Did we kind of hate Chuck and Blair? Yes – Chuck literally sold Blair to some other guy, and Blair blamed Serena for a murder they both committed (yikes). But we also loved them for all their faults, and were rooting for them throughout their constant struggle to be the Queens and Kings of the Upper East Side, and failing that – New York.

The new Serena – who is an influencer named Julien Calloway – is so cool, but is also just too nice. She has a shaved head, loads of earrings, and wears sheer dresses with black bodysuits. Yes, she is the Gossip Girl version of Zoe Kravitz – and you can’t get much cooler than that. Julien Calloway’s dad is even a famous musician with loads of Grammy’s (hello Lenny)! But I’m sorry, nice TV just doesn’t cut it! Gossip Girl is not about being nice, it’s about trying to be the best in a dog-eat-dog world. Her only redeeming factor, is that she’s so wound up about her brand as an influencer that she starts turning a little bitchy so she can keep her spot as Queen Influencer of Constance High, and therefore New York…? We’ll see what the next 6 episodes bring…

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The new Blair, named Audrey Hope, is probably the meanest and most unforgiving of the characters, which we love, and she’s also dating the hottest boy of the whole TV show (in my eyes anyway) Aki Menzies. With an incredibly short, pink dyed haircut, and perfectly oversized, tailored clothing coming straight out of Raf Simons’ wardrobe, Aki Menzies is my ideal man. Their relationship seems to be the most stable out of anyone’s, although I do think they’ve both got a little exploring to do…

We start out knowing who Gossip Girl is right away (they definitely learnt from the Dan-being-Gossip-Girl-that-doesn’t-add-up drama) and it’s how the teachers and Constance High play a bigger role this time around. There are still the young, hot Kings and Queens of New York drinking martinis in bars – member’s clubs this time around – but we have yet to see extreme drama unfold. As there’s only been 6 episodes, I’ve got a good feeling that things are going to take a turn for the dramatic.

In any case, it’s worth your watching, even if you’re just trying to lighten the mood after sitting through too many episodes of the Handmaid’s Tale (which is one type of suffering I actually don’t want to watch). Great wardrobes, beautiful people getting whatever they want, in the backdrop of New York city.

My predictions for the next 6 episodes? [SPOILERS AHEAD] I think Obie’s (new Nate) going to go on a rebellious spree, Aki’s going to explore his sexuality, Audrey’s (new Blair) going to turn entrepreneur to help save her Upper East Side apartment, and the ownership of GG is going to have a bit of a bumpy ride – someone might get fired…

But we’ll see, I only work on the tips provided. Until November! XOXO… you know the rest.