Look, I’m a little bit into the hooju-booju. The mumbo jumbo. The hocus pocus. The abracadabra. Long story short, I love anything mystical.
Why I’m a real sucker for crystal sellers (look out The Mystic Wolf, I’m coming to spend my money!) is that I also love sparkly things, so crystals are really like the crux of my interests. I’ve spent an extortionate amount on crystals – which, I’m sorry, at the end of the day, are rocks. Do I still spend a crazy amount of money to get someone on the other side of the world to send special rocks to me? Yes, yes I do. Do I believe in the supposed powers of these special rocks? Kind of.
Whether holding a rose quartz in your pocket actually attracts love, or that you believe you’re attracting love so you manifest it (ever read The Secret?) I’m not sure. At any rate, it’s worth a try. At best, you may find love! At worst, you still have a really cool rock. Win-win, right?
Since I’m a Taurus, and I love beautiful things, I’m only going to pick the most beautiful of crystals. I’m not going to make you walk around with actual pebbles in your pockets unless they’re sparkly and a cute colour. Obviously. But I’m also going to pick ones that manifest your most true desires. Ready to start your new business? Well, do I have the rock for you!
Image via The Face April 1995, David LaChapelle, Guinevere van Seenus
Speaking of new businesses – if you’re looking to make a little moola from your new business – Citrine is the rock for you. It’s meant to manifest wealth and abundance, which is kind of great when our generation is mostly broke. It also boosts creativity, so when you’re trying to make dollarz off your new creative venture, keep a citrine stone close. I have a cute faceted 6 carat citrine stone that I’m going to get made into a ring. It’s called spending money to make money, ever heard of it? Anyway, citrine also has great vibes, so when you’re feeling a little bleurgh, citrine enforces a positive attitude, boosts your self-esteem, and even protects you from negative energies.
Otherwise known as cherry blossom agate, flower agate is a stone of personal growth. What does this mean? It means that it helps you manifest your true potential, and helps you fight the fear that’s stopping you from taking the leap. Whether it’s growth within your mind and body, growth in your relationships, or growth in your professional career, flower agate helps mute the blockades stopping you from reaching your full potential, so you can roll over them on the way to your better future self. People who probably carry a flower agate in their pocket? Armie Hammer, as he works to overcome his cannibalism plight in a rehab facility in Florida. Or Britney Spears, as she paves the way for conservatorship rights by fighting for her freedom. Yes, girl.
One of my favourite stones of all time, Van Cleef & Arpels also favour this green layered beauty, so if you’re feeling pretty flush after all the money you made over hoarding citrines, why not splurge on a malachite Alhambra necklace? A strong protection stone, Malachite actually absorbs the pollutants and bad energies around you, so when you’re giving your toxic boyfriend the get-up-and-go speech, maybe take some malachite with you to protect you from all those bad vibes.
A bit more of a mental stone, Fluorite (rainbow fluorite is preferred) is helpful in processing information and linking the mind to universal consciousness. I guess that’s what Siddartha was seeking in his journey to understand the river? (Was that literary reference too high brow? Read a book.) Anyway, I don’t really know what universal consciousness is, but I’m guessing it’s something to do with being more at one with the world around you, and understanding why things act like they do. Wondering why your landlord isn’t giving you back your security deposit, even though you left the flat in prime condition? Maybe sit with some rainbow fluorite for a while… the answer may come to you.
The birthstone of March babies (you lucky thangs), Aquamarine is one of the most beautiful semi-precious stones and has been lauded as talismans throughout the ages. Ancient Grecian sailors used to keep Aquamarine as a talisman to appease the god of Poseidon, so that they would not perish at sea, or get seasick. Ancient Egyptians used to keep aquamarine to preserve their vital energies so they wouldn’t die young, and the Romans also used aquamarine as a stone of protection.
Nowadays, aquamarine is thought to encourage tranquillity, serenity, and clarity. It’s also helps us stay in tune with our emotions, and to communicate them clearly to others.
Amazonite is the healing stone. It helps heal fatigue and trauma – basically anything that drains energy from you. It’s also great to sleep with, as it wards off nightmares and aids in good sleep. It’s just trying to give you some good energy, my babe! Feeling a little dusty after a big night out? Why not eat your morning-after Five Guys burger clasping an amazonite stone! You’ll totally feel better. Whether it’s the Five Guys cheeseburger or the amazonite crystal? We’ll never know.
Love a good piece of jade, in New Zealand it’s highly prized by our indigenous people – we call it pounamu. A lot of New Zealander’s wear pounamu in carved patterns as a necklace. I personally wear a hei matau, which is in the shape of a fishhook, and signifies good luck in travel, and an affinity to the water.
It’s also super important in Chinese culture, with jade representing long life and good health. It’s even so highly prized that some jadeite necklaces can fetch up to $7 million at auction, with jade art pieces and old jade artifacts costing even more.
Jade is a protective stone, protecting you from harm while bringing harmony and serenity to your sphere. It’s also thought to bring good luck!
Something that I think we need a little more in this generation is compassion. So if everyone wore a piece of tourmaline, basically the world would be a better place. It also promotes love and self-confidence, like Lizzo in a semi-precious stone! Lucky for you, it also comes in all colours, so whatever you’re vibing with, you can tailor it to you. My favourite is the pink tourmaline and the green tourmaline, specifically which connects you to Mother Earth and to the nature around you. My ideal stone really. Tourmaline also helps with anxiety – but I’ll keep you posted on that one.
Calcite above all is an energy amplifier, so when you’re trying to send love and light to someone far away while chatting to them on FaceTime, why not have some calcite near and it’ll be like you’re just right there with them. Really. It’s that powerful. It also absorbs and clears negative energy, so when you’re chatting to your mate on FaceTime and they’re not really paying attention to you, you won’t feel that upset about it! Kind of what we all need, really. It’s a cleansing stone, so it also restores balance to your mind. Use it on its own, or in conjunction with other stones that you want to be more powerful. So, I would totally use it with citrine so that I can be more successful, and I can buy more citrine stones. It’s like what do you do if you had 3 wishes? Wish for more wishes, of course.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed my favourite rock collection. It’s a little bit of a joke, but it’s also not a joke, like when you talk about something bad happening and your mum says, “Knock on wood,” but you don’t because you think that’s totally stupid, but before you leave the room you surreptitiously knock on the door frame as you leave just to be sure. Kind of like that.