Yay! We’re here! 2022 is alive and well, and we’re all about being positive in 2022 (minus our Covid test results. Those can be negative). You know what works really well with time? Hindsight. Hindsight is 20/20. Hindsight is actually 2021, in this case. So let’s learn from our mistakes shall we? Let’s continue our walk down memory lane, and think, ‘Man, what idiots were we? For sure we won’t do that shit in 2022, the year of prosperity and happiness.’ Instead, we’ll probably do things that are stupider, our economy will still suck, and celebrities will still do some crazy things. But at least we can laugh about it, right?
Kanye West may or may not have slept with Jeffree Star
In some of the wildest news of 2021, Kanye West was thought to have had an affair with Jeffree Star (the very problematic beauty YouTuber), after Twitter users and TikTok users started gathering evidence. Jeffree Star even released a video on YouTube denying the affair, although some people are not so convinced. Honestly, they’re both so weird I wouldn’t be surprised.
I cannot believe finding out Kanye west might have shagged Jeffree Starr was only like the third most insane thing that happened today— 🚩 tess 🚩 (@neutralmilk83) January 6, 2021
NFT took off and they’re for dummies, yes, I am a right-clicker
If somebody told you that you could be voluntarily scammed out of money and that people would be excited to do so, you would be thinking, ‘What has happened to humanity?’ Surprise! We’re here! In my humble opinion, it’s a fool who pays $80,000 (the most expensive NFT sold for $69.3 million) for a shitty piece of digital art that I could make in 5 minutes, and that I can use that image whenever I like. Babe, just give that money to charity if you’re so bored. Vice calls me a right-clicker, after the fact that you can right-click and save any image on the internet. Perhaps I’m old-fashioned, but I’m not so bothered because I still have $80,000 and I don’t have an ugly piece of “art” on the internet.
(inventing NFTs) what if you could rob people without leaving your house— it’s hippo time (@InternetHippo) November 4, 2021
Technically every mocking reply to a crypto bro is an NFT, because it’s a digital record of them being owned— Bison ‘Guy Kelly’ Sexhorn Twitch.tv/Brainmage (@Brainmage) November 2, 2021
Facebook turned into Meta, and we’re about to all live in the Sims
The Prominent Lizard, i.e. The E-Foiling SunScream Man, i.e. Mark Zuckerberg has created a new version of the Sims, which we’re all supposed to live on in 5 years time. Someone even got married on Meta. Apparently this all fits in with NFTs, which is fantastic because I can put my little pixelated monkey art in my fake Meta room in fake Meta Bali where I live my best life. Anyway, since Facebook the company turned into Meta the company… (see below)
actually Meta is the name of the company. Facebook is the monster— BR⚢KE (@BabblingBrookeA) October 29, 2021
Still thinking about when Mark Zuckerberg said this pic.twitter.com/Cx546B27SH— Alex Kehr (@alexkehr) October 28, 2021
Instagram had a blackout like 3 times
All Meta applications have had serious blackouts like 3 times. Babe, if you’ve basically got a mini-monopoly on social media (Facebook, Instagram, Whatsapp), you better make sure your shit works right. I’m not here to fuck with spiders. If I want to chat to my mate on DM’s, you better not be blacking out for EIGHT HOURS after I’ve said something dodgy, and now I can’t delete it, or hear the reply. People have ANXIETY you know? You can’t just drop us in the deep end like that. Get your zucking zhit together, Zuckerberg.
what’s the meta with instagram?— jacquemus derrida (@omnirodent) November 3, 2021
hey guys. um so say i hypothetically worked at a big tech company and hypothetically spilled some diet ginger ale on the big um servers in the back room and now a lot of stuff is going wrong. what should i hypothetically do— kristofer thomas (@kristoferthomas) October 4, 2021
Celebs turned out to not… shower?
Jake Gyllenhaal strikes again, and this time, by being the smelliest in the room. For some strange reason, a whole host of celebrities came out as not showering – or at least not showering every day. Some don’t even shower until they think they’re dirty… Babe, that’s how you get a staph infection in your armpit. Your body is not a vagina, Jake, it does not self-clean. Get it together, Ashton Kutcher, Mila Kunis, Jake Gyllenhaal, Kristen Bell, Dax Shepard, Ice T’s wife, Brad Pitt, Charlize Theron. I’m not afraid to call you out.
ok fine i will bathe jake gyllenhaal— David Mack (@davidmackau) August 6, 2021
Dune came out and turns out it was only half the first novel with a measly SIX minutes of Zendaya time
I’ve been waiting for a Dune movie ever since my ex-boyfriend introduced me to the franchise, and boy was I excited when I found out that the Nation’s Boyfriend™ Timothée Chalamet would be the main character, with fellow hotties Oscar Isaac, Zendaya, and Jason Momoa in supporting roles. The two-hour and 35-minute film turned out to only be HALF the first book, out of a 7-book series, with a measly SIX MINUTES of Zendaya time. Honestly, although I loved the film, I felt a little bit cheated considering Zendaya took up about a third of the trailer, and was a major character via the press push. The silver lining is that Dune 2 has already had a green light, and Zendaya will be front and centre, in promotional footage, and the movie this time.
this is literally all Zendaya does in her 2 minutes of screen time in Dune i’m not joking pic.twitter.com/W4SxQGJgw5— gaspar (saw NWH!) (@alenkorra) October 23, 2021
Harry Styles went on a pan-America tour and looked 10/10 fantastic the whole goddamn time
Not quite sure how this is news but I still think it deserves to be said: Harry Styles looks fabulous/hot/beautiful/handsome/sexy all the time, and Olivia Wilde is the luckiest lady in the world. I mean first of all, basically his entire tour wardrobe is custom Gucci. Second of all, in a world of problematic people all the time and everywhere, Harry Styles has been nothing but a gem his entire career. Now a figurehead of the LGBTQ+ community, Harry just exudes good vibes all the time, and that deserves to be celebrated. Also, he’s hot as shit.
FREE THE NIPPLE pic.twitter.com/Ms5Cw8Zj7H— harry lambert (@harry__lambert) March 15, 2021
The Masked Singer had a celebrity that makes me howl with laughter every time
I have never watched The Masked Singer simply because I find all the masks and little voices they put on to be wildly annoying, but this clip honest to god makes me howl with laughter every fucking time. Like can you imagine, someone who’s never encountered humans before, and they see… THIS? Like what even is happening. Since when is Kermit the frog a singer. I just…
i want this to be the first thing aliens see of us pic.twitter.com/uwxSYY7M41— tyler oakley (@tyleroakley) March 11, 2021
Lil’ Uzi got a diamond inserted into his forehead like a pokemon and honestly? I respect it
It’s a $24 million pink diamond. Yes, a $24 MILLION PINK DIAMOND. He got it implanted because he thought otherwise he might lose it… Not sure you should be spending $24 million bucks if you think you’re going to lose it, but I’ll have it if you’re giving it away. In fact, fans actually ripped it out of his forehead like Thanos and Vision at the end of Avenger’s: Infinity War, and he had to get a barbell to put in its place. Not as chic, I must say.
LMAOOOOOOOOO pic.twitter.com/FSlViyzBUg— Kamani🇯🇲 (@MANIGETSJUICY) February 4, 2021
Reddit stormed the stock market and rich people got mad about it
If you grew up in the 80’s or 90’s you’re probably overly familiar with GameStop, the gaming version of BlockBuster (or in New Zealand, VideoEzy) (RIP). A group of Redditor’s, to earn money in this generation’s hellish economy, coordinate stock buying of declining companies to boost their stock share, which then pisses off short sellers and hedge-funds who had bet on the companies’ decline. It’s pretty funny considering the common discourse is that you’ve got to be smart to make a dollar in today’s dog-eat-dog world, but then the multi-billion-dollar companies are mad when you do. GameStop’s stock increased by 8000% in six months, and allowed young investors to pay off their student loans. Sounds like a win to me!
I know this GameStop stuff is funny, but you have to remember this is hurting real people who own multiple boats— Kevin Farzad (@KevinFarzad) January 27, 2021
it’s been a weird day pic.twitter.com/DbPXNPx5UJ— Keifer (@DannyVegito) January 27, 2021