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A 2021 Review: The Craziest Things That Happened Last Year
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A 2021 Review: The Craziest Things That Happened Last Year

January 2, 2022

Yay! We’re here! 2022 is alive and well, and we’re all about being positive in 2022 (minus our Covid test results. Those can be negative). You know what works really well with time? Hindsight. Hindsight is 20/20. Hindsight is actually 2021, in this case. So let’s learn from our mistakes shall we? Let’s continue our walk down memory lane, and think, ‘Man, what idiots were we? For sure we won’t do that shit in 2022, the year of prosperity and happiness.’ Instead, we’ll probably do things that are stupider, our economy will still suck, and celebrities will still do some crazy things. But at least we can laugh about it, right?

Kanye West may or may not have slept with Jeffree Star

In some of the wildest news of 2021, Kanye West was thought to have had an affair with Jeffree Star (the very problematic beauty YouTuber), after Twitter users and TikTok users started gathering evidence. Jeffree Star even released a video on YouTube denying the affair, although some people are not so convinced. Honestly, they’re both so weird I wouldn’t be surprised.

NFT took off and they’re for dummies, yes, I am a right-clicker

If somebody told you that you could be voluntarily scammed out of money and that people would be excited to do so, you would be thinking, ‘What has happened to humanity?’ Surprise! We’re here! In my humble opinion, it’s a fool who pays $80,000 (the most expensive NFT sold for $69.3 million) for a shitty piece of digital art that I could make in 5 minutes, and that I can use that image whenever I like. Babe, just give that money to charity if you’re so bored. Vice calls me a right-clicker, after the fact that you can right-click and save any image on the internet. Perhaps I’m old-fashioned, but I’m not so bothered because I still have $80,000 and I don’t have an ugly piece of “art” on the internet.

Facebook turned into Meta, and we’re about to all live in the Sims

The Prominent Lizard, i.e. The E-Foiling SunScream Man, i.e. Mark Zuckerberg has created a new version of the Sims, which we’re all supposed to live on in 5 years time. Someone even got married on Meta. Apparently this all fits in with NFTs, which is fantastic because I can put my little pixelated monkey art in my fake Meta room in fake Meta Bali where I live my best life. Anyway, since Facebook the company turned into Meta the company… (see below)

Instagram had a blackout like 3 times

All Meta applications have had serious blackouts like 3 times. Babe, if you’ve basically got a mini-monopoly on social media (Facebook, Instagram, Whatsapp), you better make sure your shit works right. I’m not here to fuck with spiders. If I want to chat to my mate on DM’s, you better not be blacking out for EIGHT HOURS after I’ve said something dodgy, and now I can’t delete it, or hear the reply. People have ANXIETY you know? You can’t just drop us in the deep end like that. Get your zucking zhit together, Zuckerberg.

Celebs turned out to not… shower?

Jake Gyllenhaal strikes again, and this time, by being the smelliest in the room. For some strange reason, a whole host of celebrities came out as not showering – or at least not showering every day. Some don’t even shower until they think they’re dirty… Babe, that’s how you get a staph infection in your armpit. Your body is not a vagina, Jake, it does not self-clean. Get it together, Ashton Kutcher, Mila Kunis, Jake Gyllenhaal, Kristen Bell, Dax Shepard, Ice T’s wife, Brad Pitt, Charlize Theron. I’m not afraid to call you out.

Dune came out and turns out it was only half the first novel with a measly SIX minutes of Zendaya time

I’ve been waiting for a Dune movie ever since my ex-boyfriend introduced me to the franchise, and boy was I excited when I found out that the Nation’s Boyfriend™ Timothée Chalamet would be the main character, with fellow hotties Oscar Isaac, Zendaya, and Jason Momoa in supporting roles. The two-hour and 35-minute film turned out to only be HALF the first book, out of a 7-book series, with a measly SIX MINUTES of Zendaya time. Honestly, although I loved the film, I felt a little bit cheated considering Zendaya took up about a third of the trailer, and was a major character via the press push. The silver lining is that Dune 2 has already had a green light, and Zendaya will be front and centre, in promotional footage, and the movie this time.

Harry Styles went on a pan-America tour and looked 10/10 fantastic the whole goddamn time

Not quite sure how this is news but I still think it deserves to be said: Harry Styles looks fabulous/hot/beautiful/handsome/sexy all the time, and Olivia Wilde is the luckiest lady in the world. I mean first of all, basically his entire tour wardrobe is custom Gucci. Second of all, in a world of problematic people all the time and everywhere, Harry Styles has been nothing but a gem his entire career. Now a figurehead of the LGBTQ+ community, Harry just exudes good vibes all the time, and that deserves to be celebrated. Also, he’s hot as shit.

The Masked Singer had a celebrity that makes me howl with laughter every time

I have never watched The Masked Singer simply because I find all the masks and little voices they put on to be wildly annoying, but this clip honest to god makes me howl with laughter every fucking time. Like can you imagine, someone who’s never encountered humans before, and they see… THIS? Like what even is happening. Since when is Kermit the frog a singer. I just…

Lil’ Uzi got a diamond inserted into his forehead like a pokemon and honestly? I respect it

It’s a $24 million pink diamond. Yes, a $24 MILLION PINK DIAMOND. He got it implanted because he thought otherwise he might lose it… Not sure you should be spending $24 million bucks if you think you’re going to lose it, but I’ll have it if you’re giving it away. In fact, fans actually ripped it out of his forehead like Thanos and Vision at the end of Avenger’s: Infinity War, and he had to get a barbell to put in its place. Not as chic, I must say.

Reddit stormed the stock market and rich people got mad about it

If you grew up in the 80’s or 90’s you’re probably overly familiar with GameStop, the gaming version of BlockBuster (or in New Zealand, VideoEzy) (RIP). A group of Redditor’s, to earn money in this generation’s hellish economy, coordinate stock buying of declining companies to boost their stock share, which then pisses off short sellers and hedge-funds who had bet on the companies’ decline. It’s pretty funny considering the common discourse is that you’ve got to be smart to make a dollar in today’s dog-eat-dog world, but then the multi-billion-dollar companies are mad when you do. GameStop’s stock increased by 8000% in six months, and allowed young investors to pay off their student loans. Sounds like a win to me!

See ya!